Secondary Education
by timeluck
Summary: This a little story about how I came to realize a few things that had always been crystal clear. [Santana pov]
1. 06

10:58

"What's next after you flip the fraction? Anyone?" My 6th grade teacher searched around for a brave soul who would answer her question but caught my eyes glued to the clock above the whiteboard instead. "Santana? You can stop staring at the clock. No one is leaving to recess until this problem gets answered."

Annoyed groans and clickings of tongues went off around the classroom.

10:59

"So who's going to tell me what you do next?" She scanned the room, looking at all the bowed heads. Out of stupid habit, I looked up at the clock again. "It seems like you really want to get out of here, Santana. How about you answer the Math problem and give everyone their recess?"

I couldn't do that. I've always sucked at math. It makes me nervous and frustrated. And I especially can't do it under pressure. "I don't know." I answered, feeling my face instantly get hot.

11:00

"Yes, you do. Try it. We flip the second fraction and then do what?"

I stared at the board. I wasn't even trying to figure out the answer. I was way too embarrassed to think. I knew everyone was waiting and watching me. I just hoped someone would yell out the answer and save me.

I looked across my table at Quinn and frowned when I saw her staring at her notebook and pretending to write something important. I knew there was no chance my _friend_ would help me out.

11:01 The recess bell rang annoyingly. More irritated groans.

I was seriously never going to be able to answer.

"After you flip them.." A girl started, "You cross multiply?"

I remember thinking, '_thank you teacher's pet. Could you not have said that sooner?'_

"That's right!" Our teacher finished the math problem on the board and dismissed us for recess. By the time I made it out the door, Quinn was already waiting at the Volleyball court, ball in hand. The usual girls from other classrooms had gathered around her and had started splitting into the usual two teams.

"Who's team am I in?" I asked Quinn.

"Mine, obviously!"

"She's always in your team," a girl complained. "That's why we can never beat you guys. Let her be in our team today."

Quinn scowled. "No. She's _my_ friend. She should be in _my_ team. It's not my fault you have sucky people."

"Can I be in your team?" It was a girl; around my height, blue eyes, and her blonde hair was pulled back into a messy pony. She looked as if she had been running and the wind left her hair a mess. I had seen her around. She was in the Basketball team and she always won first place during the school's stupid "mini olympics."

Before Quinn was able to answer, the girl who wanted me on her team quickly yanked the blonde towards her. "No! You can be in my team, Brittany. They already have Santana."

This girl, Brittany, looked at me when my name was said out loud and gave me a smile.

"Fine you can have her. Can we start the game?" Quinn asked.

We played Volleyball for the entire recess and when we had our lunch break we all but inhaled our food so that we could have more time to play outside.

After the bell rang, ending our lunch, Quinn and I walked back to our classroom.

"That girl, Brittany, is kinda good. We should let her be on our team tomorrow," Quinn said.

"Yeah, she's good, but if we let her be on our team then we will have like, no competition at all."

"But I don't want to lose. She scored a lot on us today."

"Hi!" Brittany joined us at my side. "You play really good," she told me. "Are you going to join the Volleyball team?"

"I am," Quinn announced.

"Oh cool. I am too. Are you, Santana?" She was walking really close to me, like shoulder to shoulder.

I moved a little more towards Quinn's side. "I don't think so."

"Why not? You're so good!" She grabbed my forearm and gave it a squeeze.

"Santana is scared of teams," Quinn laughed.

"I'm not scared of teams. I just don't want to join. I like playing, but I don't want to be in a team."

"Oh." Brittany nodded. When we got to my classroom Brittany took turns giving me and Quinn a hug each. "I'll see you guys tomorrow!" She hurried down the yard and into a classroom a few doors down.

"She's weird," Quinn commented.

"Yeah."

Everyday after that, Brittany showed up during recess and played Volleyball with us. Quinn somehow got her on our team one day, but one day is all we got because the other team didn't score on us at all, so they forced Brittany back on their team.

She and Quinn did end up joining the Volleyball team and I did end up not joining. I still went to watch their games whenever they played at our school though. I thought maybe Quinn and Brittany would become friends, but Quinn kept thinking Brittany was weird and didn't like talking to her very much.

I didn't think she's weird though. Well, maybe a little. She really liked to hug people and touch them, which made me uncomfortable. She didn't touch in an appropriate way, but she was a lot more touchy-feely than most people. Boys thought she was annoying and girls thought, well, that she was annoying. I never really saw her hang out with anybody because she was always playing Volleyball with us, but I started wondering if she had any friends at all.

On most days I had to walk to and from school because my mom worked most of the day and wasn't able to pick me up, so sometimes I walked with Brittany because she lived on one of the streets I had to walk through.

One day, as we walked home, an ice-cream truck drove towards us. "Do you want an ice-cream?" I asked Brittany.

She shook her head. "I don't have any money."

"I can buy you one. I have money." I pulled the change I had been saving out from my backpack and bought two ice-cream cones. Brittany thanked me with a shy smile when I handded her one.

"Hey, who were your friends last year?" I tried to sound as casual as possible. I didn't know what her deal was. Maybe I was right and she didn't have any friendsl. I didn't want to embarrass her.

She licked the dripping ice-cream from her thumb. "Um... Well, I was kind of friends with Lauren."

"Big Lauren? The one that punched some kid in the throat and wanted to stab him with her pencil?"

She nodded. "Yeah. But she doesn't talk to me anymore. She said... She said I'm annoying." She stopped eating her ice-cream and used the napkin wrapped around her cone to clean her hand.

"You're not annoying, Britt. You're just really enthis- enthusa- you're just really happy all the time. It's good that you're not friends with Lauren. She's crazy and I heard she has lice."

Her face scrunched. "Really?"

"Yeah. Quinn told me that when we had that lice check last week, the nurse parted Lauren's hair and Quinn actually saw all the nasty little lice run across her head."

She frowned. "She should shower more."

"I know."

When we reached her house she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and held me for a little. "Thank you for the ice-cream." She pulled back and surprised me with a kiss on my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay," I said, and wiped off the stickiness she left on my skin.

I wouldn't say Brittany and I were friends. Quinn and I were friends. My relationship with Brittany was nothing like what I had with Quinn. Brittany never went over to my house and I never went over to hers. We didn't know each other's parent's names. We didn't even know if we had brothers or sisters. Well, we didn't, until one particular day.

The Volleyball team had just lost that day's game. That meant the season was over for them. Quinn was completely pissed and yelled at everyone because she was team captain, a crappy one, obviously, but captain nonetheless. After she got done throwing her tantrum and making her teammates feel even worse, her mom picked her up and she didn't bother saying bye to me. But I preferred it that way. I hated to deal with her when she got crazy like that.

I was crossing the quad to go wait for my mom, when I caught Brittany bouncing around a volleyball in the Basketball courts.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked, dropping my backpack next to her duffle bag.

She looked up from the floor and pulled a small smile. "Hi."

I held out my hands and motioned for her to pass me the ball. "Why are you here?" I tried scoring a basket but missed.

"I don't want to go home yet."

"Why? Will your parents ground you for losing the game?" I joked and passed her the ball back.

She smiled and shook her head. She would do that a lot. She liked answering yes or no with her head.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

She bounce the ball a few times then shot it clean through the basket.

"Is there any sport you're _not_ good at?"

Her smile grew. "You're good at a lot of sports too. I saw you playing Soccer with the boys last year and when my class played Softball against your class last time, you made a home-run."

I chuckled. "Yeah, but I suck at Basketball."

"I can teach you," she offered.

"I don't think I'm going to be tall enough to play in high school, so there's no point in learning."

"But we're the same height. And my parents always say I'm really tall."

"Yeah, but I have a feeling you're going to be a lot taller than me in a few years." I took the ball from her and tried bouncing it between my legs.

She giggled when I failed.

"Do you want to go sit on the grass for while?" I asked.

"Okay." She grabbed our things from the floor and let them drop in the grass area nearby.

"So why don't you want to go home?" I asked again once we were sitting down.

She crossed her legs beneath herself and ripped a blade of grass from the ground. "I just... I kind of hate my sister."

"You hate your sister? Why?"

"Well, I don't really hate her. I don't hate anyone." She let the grass fall back on the turf and ripped another one out. "She's just really mean. And I think she might be a slut."

I laughed. "A slut?"

"Yeah." She looked up at me. "She always brings guy _friends_ over to our house and she locks herself in her room with them while my parents are at work."

"How old is she?"

"Fifteen. She just started high school and has been a lot meaner now."

"I'm sorry, Britt. That sucks. I don't have any brothers or sisters, so I don't know what to tell you."

"It's okay."

We sat there for a few more minutes without saying anything. I felt bad for her. She seemed really sad about her sister being mean, but I couldn't really do anything about it.

"I'm gonna go," she said.

"Oh, okay." We both stood up and got our things off the grass. "Do you want a ride? My mom is picking me up today."

"No, that's okay. You know I only live a block away." She gave me her usual tight hug but held me a lot longer this time. I felt her breathing on my neck and it made me squirm out and away from her arms. "I'll see you on Monday," she said, then quickly kissed my cheek.

The following week, during lunch, Brittany got to the cafeteria a few minutes late. She never ate in the cafeteria. She always picked up her lunch and went back to her home room to eat with her teacher. I thought it was a little weird, but I had heard her teacher was really cool and Brittany didn't actually have friends so it made sense.

I had thought about inviting her to sit with us, but Quinn wouldn't have liked that, so I didn't.

I watched Brittany power walk to the lunch ladies and take her pick between the only two options left: a muffin and milk or a slice of pizza and milk. She picked the muffin.

Quinn stopped talking to me after she realized I wasn't listening and looked behind her to see what I was staring at.

"Ugh." She groaned and turned back around.

"Why do you hate her so much?"

"I don't _hate_ her. I just don't like her. She's too touchy. And too friendly."

"How is being friendly bad?"

Brittany held her tray close to her and looked around the cafeteria.

"I think she's looking for a place to sit. I'm gonna call her over."

"No! _Don't_, Santana," Quinn ordered.

Brittany made eye contact with me and I waved her over.

"_Santana_!" Quinn growled in a low voice. "_Stop_!" She grabbed my wrist and pinned my hand down against the table, but it was too late. Brittany had seen me and was walking over with a bashful smile.

"Hi." She slid next to me and Quinn forced a smile.

"You're not eating with your teacher today?" I asked.

"No." She shook her head. "Her daughter is sick so she went home to check on her." She poked her straw through her milk carton's opening and took a sip.

"Do you want some of my fries?" I offered, looking at her almost empty tray.

"Oh, no." She glanced at my food. "That's okay."

"Seriously, you can have them. I'm super full already." I tilted my plate over hers and pushed my fries onto her plate with my fork.

She smiled. "Thank you."

I looked across the table at Quinn and she rolled her eyes.

Brittany didn't sit with us the day after that. I guess her teacher stayed for lunch because Brittany came into the cafeteria, grabbed her lunch, and left as she usually did. She continued to play Volleyball with us though and that was the only time Quinn tolerated her.

"Brittany is getting so good," Quinn whined as we walked back into our classroom one day after lunch break. "Those girls had never beaten us before."

"Yeah, I guess she's been practicing."

"Why are you so calm? Aren't you mad we-" Cough. "-lost."

"I'm not mad. It's just a game."

Quinn continued coughing into the arm of her sweater, then cleared her throat when she was done.

"You should have stayed home. You're super sick. You're probably going to get me sick."

"I think I'm gonna stay home tomorrow." She checked her forehead's temperature with her hand. "If my mom let's me."

Her mom did allow her to stay home. The next day she didn't show up and I was forced to sit with the girls whom we played Volleyball with. Well, just for a while.

"Hi."

I looked up from my chicken nuggets and found Brittany holding her food tray and looking down at me with a soft smile. She had the hood of her hoodie pulled up over her head and her shoulders seemed to be wet.

"Hey. It's still raining?"

"Yeah." She pulled her hood down and revealed messy, moist hair. "Where's Quinn?"

"She didn't come today. She has a cold, so she stayed home."

Brittany looked down at the spot where Quinn would have been sitting. "Can I sit with you?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." I took my backpack down from the table top and shoved it down underneath the table. "I guess we won't get to play Volleyball today. But that's actually good because I don't want you to beat us again."

Brittany smiled and sipped on her apple juice. "I've been practicing with my sister."

"Really? I thought you said she was mean to you."

"Not her. My other sister. She's in high school too but she's a year ahead of my mean sister. And she's not mean like her."

I laughed a little at the way she explained it. "That's good."

The following day it rained again and Quinn didn't show up... again. Also, Brittany had lunch with me again and since it was raining we stayed in the cafeteria during the entire lunch break and she helped me finish some of my Math homework that was due the next day.

"You're so lucky that you understand Math. I really suck at it. I'm only good at writing."

"I can help you with Math. Just tell me when you don't understand something and I'll help you. I'm good at Science too if you need help with that."

"Thanks, Britt." I smiled.

Most of that week turned out to be gloomy and rainy. The sun did come out a little on Friday though, so we got to go outside and play. Brittany's team beat us again.

"I don't want to play with you anymore," I joked as Brittany walked me to class. "I don't like losing."

Brittany laughed and looped her arm with mine. "I can coach you."

"I can't take pointers from the enemy!"

She laughed again and I became aware of the way she pulled me closer to her. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

I looked at her and she looked at me. My cheeks burned. "Um..." I looked down at my shoes as we kept walking. "No."

"Me neither. I liked this boy in my class, but he said he doesn't like me. It's okay though, I like someone else way more."

I swallowed and wondered why she was telling me this. I never liked talking about boys. Whenever Quinn tried it on me, I just pretend to listen because I wanted her to think I was interested in them too, but I kind of wasn't. Her boy talk bored me to death, but Brittany made me nervous with hers.

"Do you like anyone?" she asked.

I pulled my arm away from her and slipped my hands inside my hoodie's pockets. "No."

"Oh," is all she said.

We got to my class and I hurried towards the door before she was able to pull me in for a hug. "My mom is picking me up today, so I'll see you next week, okay?"

"Okay," she said in a less that excited tone.

Quinn came back the following week. She's was still coughing a little but it was nothing compared to how she had been the last time I saw her.

"You missed a lot of classwork, Quinn." I said as I washed my hands in the restroom sink.

"Ugh. I know. Thanks for dropping off my homework though. By the way, did you turn in your Math homework in time? Can I copy it? I didn't finish mine."

"I already turned it in."

"Really? You always turn it in late."

"I know but Brittany is really good with Math, so she helped me finish it early."

"Brittany?" Quinn quirked an eyebrow. "You hung out with her?"

"Um... Yeah." I grabbed a paper towel and dried my hands. "A little."

"Did you let her sit with you while I was gone?"

I gave her a guilty smile. "Yeah."

"Santana! She's going to want to sit with us all the time now!"

"Why are you freaking out?" I threw the paper towel in the trash bin. "She's really nice. You should try talking to her."

One of the bathroom stalls clicked open and out walked Brittany. Quinn and I looked at eachother then watched Brittany wash her hands and dry them with that loud box thing that blows out air.

When she finished, she walked past Quinn and smiled at me before leaving the restroom.

Brittany didn't try to sit with us during lunch that day or any other day, but she always smiled or waved at me when she came in to get her lunch and sometimes she would help me with my homework after school like she said she would.

One day, instead of giving me a hug when we walked up to her house, she turned around and offered to walk me home.

"You want to walk me?" I asked, confused.

She nodded with a smile.

"But I live like five blocks away. You're going to have to walk back alone."

"That's okay," she said and looped her arm with mine, pulling me down the street.

Brittany and I started spending a lot of time together since she was helping me with my homework and walking me home almost everyday even though I told her she didn't need to. She also started getting a lot more physical with me. I noticed she constantly wanted to somehow be touching me. She would hold my arm or sit close to me when we were doing homework on the grass area at school. Sometimes she would sit behind me and play with my hair. That felt kind of nice, so I just let her.

She would also laugh at all of my dumb jokes. There were times when I wasn't trying to be funny but she would laugh anyway.

The end of the year was nearing and that meant we would soon start rehearsing for our 6th grade promotion. It also meant that we would all go on a field trip to the middle school we would all most likely be attending.

"Are you excited about visiting our new school? Wait, you are going to that school right?" Brittany asked as she walked me home one afternoon.

"Yeah. I think most of us are."

"Oh, ok. Good. I want to see it already. I bet it's going to be way bigger than our school right now."

"Probably."

"Hey, San." San. She hadn't called me that before. "Do you think your mom would let you come over to my house this weekend?"

"To your house?" My brow pitched together. "For what?"

She shrugged. "Just to hang out. We can watch movies, and eat junk food. And you can meet my cat."

"Oh. Um. I don't know. I'll have to ask her."

"Okay."

As we got to the street my house was on, Brittany reached down and gently gripped my wrist. I looked down between us and saw her hand slip into mine.

I pulled my hand away. "What are you doing?"

She looked at me with panicked blue eyes. "Sorry."

When we got to my house, I distanced myself from her. "Hey, I don't think my mom will let me go to your house. She didn't let me go to Quinn's until she met her parents, so..."

"Oh, okay. That's okay. We can just hang out at school... Right?"

"Yeah. Sure."

/

The day of our field trip, Quinn and I sat together on the bus and thankfully Brittany's class had to ride in a different bus.

I liked Brittany, I thought she was nice, smart, and pretty, but she had been freaking me out with all the touching and the clinginess. I made myself start thinking of her as everyone else did; weird and annoying.

"So are you like best friends with Brittany now?" Quinn asked sounding annoyed. "I saw you guys walking the other day and it looked like you were going to your house."

"She walks me home sometimes, but I'm thinking about telling her to stop."

"Aw, are you tired of having to listen to your bestfriend's crazy talk."

"She's not my best friend and she's not crazy. I just- I need a break from her. I think _she_ thinks we're best friends."

"Then tell her to go away. I can tell her for you."

"No. You're super bitchy. You're going to hurt her feelings."

"Boohoo. Do you want her to back off or not?"

"Don't say anything, okay?" I warned her. "I'll do it."

When we got to the school, some of the older kids at our welcomed us at the entrance and divided us into groups to take us for a tour. Brittany waved at me from a group towards the front of the crowd and I tried smiling at her.

The tour took around an hour to complete and when we were done they lead us into their cafeteria to give us a presentation.

Quinn and I took a sit on one of the rows of chairs set out and talked about the stuff we had just seen. I kept an eye out for Brittany because she had a tendency to pop out out of nowhere.

"The gym was kind of small, don't you think? I want to make sure I'm in shape when we get to high school. I'll probably make the Varsity Volleyball team my first year. You should seriously think of-"

"Hi."

Quinn looked to her right and I looked over her head. Brittany was standing there with a cheery smile. She sat down next to Quinn.

"You kinda interrupted us," Quinn told her in an unfriendly tone.

"Oh, sorry." Brittany leaned back on her chair to look at me and her smile returned.

I forced myself to smile back.

"So _anyways_. You should start working out with me in case you change your mind and join a sport in high school. I know you won't join anything here but it doesn't matter. High school sports are the ones that look good in your college applications."

"Quinn?"

Quinn rolled her eyes. "_What_, Brittany?"

"Can you switch seats with me so I can sit next to Santana?"

"Oh my god, Brittany! No! I won't switch with you! Leave her alone! She doesn't want you near her!"

My mouth gaped. I wanted to defend her. I really did. I wanted to order Quinn not to yell at her and switch seats with her, but if I did Brittany will never back off.

Quinn turned back to me and shook her head. "She's _so_ annoying."

Brittany stood up from her chair and walked out the cafeteria.

"Quinn!" I snapped. "What the hell!"

"Someone had to do it. You should be thanking me. She'll for sure leave you alone now."

Brittany did leave me alone. Literally. She stopped helping me with my homework after school, stopped playing Volleyball with us, and she stopped walking me home. If we left school at the same time, she would linger at the exit and start walking only when I was about half a block away.

I wanted to apologize for the way Quinn yelled at her, but I knew that if I did that she would probably take it as me being okay with how she had been acting and she would go right back to it.

I thought we were better off the way we were. We were about to move to a new school and she would surely make some friends there and everything would be fine. She wouldn't need me anymore.

Everything was going to blow over and be forgotten. Things were fine.


	2. 08

_I bet some of you hate Quinn even more right now, haha. The people kind enough to leave reviews said they felt bad for Brittany, so I'm guessing a good amount of my readers feel the same way. Honestly, as I write this story, sometimes I'm like - :( - when I write stuff for her, and this chapter brings a bit more of that but don't worry, she will definitely redeem herself in the next update. _

_I hope you all enjoy this one. _

* * *

If I'm being completely honest, during the summer of '06, I didn't think too much about what had happened with Brittany. My mom and I left to California for a few weeks and I got to visit Disneyland for the first time, so I definitely wasn't thinking much about what happened. I was a kid and got over the whole thing pretty quickly. Or so I thought.

When we got back home, my mom started driving me to the public pools almost every weekend because it got extremely hot. To get to the pools, we had to drive by Brittany's house and every time we drove past it, I'd look out the car window and kind of hope I'd catch a glimpse of her playing in her front yard or something. I never did.

I did, however, see her at the pools one Saturday afternoon. I was sitting at the edge of the bigger pool with my mom. We were only soaking our feet because we had just had lunch and my mom said it was bad to swim right after eating. She has always been extremely motherly.

So I sat there watching my feet move beneath the rippling water and waiting for my food to settle.

My mom was talking about needing to go buy school supplies for me when she stopped mid sentence and gasped a little. "Is that girl going to jump?" She asked with concern. "Should she be jumping? I thought the diving board was only for the older kids."

I looked up at the ten foot diving board, but the sun was in my eyes. By the time I brought my hand up to shield my eyes, the girl had already dove into the water.

"Wow!" It must have been a good dive. My mom seemed impressed.

A blonde head emerged from the water and when she opened her eyes, blue irises shined against the sun's rays. She ran a hand through her wet hair to get it away from her face and swam to the side of the pool to climb out. She was wearing a one piece blue bathing suit and I chuckled when she hooked her index fingers underneath it and fixed it in a way that covered more of her butt.

She began walking back towards the diving board, I think she was going to jump again, but a blonde girl a few feet away from me called for her.

"Brittany!" She yelled.

Brittany turned around and the girl waved her over.

She was coming my way. She was going to see me.

She was getting closer.

I didn't know if I should say hi or pretend not to see her. I thought that maybe she would ignore me if I said hi to her. That'd be embarrassing.

"Are we leaving?" Brittany asked as she came closer.

"Yeah," the other blonde replied.

Brittany hadn't seen me yet. She was going to miss me. I just needed to keep my head down. I was almost off the hook.

"Hey, that was a really good jump!" My mom said. "Very impressive."

I looked over at my mom and saw her looking towards Brittany's direction with a big smile.

"Thank you," I heard Brittany say kindly.

No one said anything for a few seconds, so I looked up to see if she was still there. She was. And she was looking at me.

I gave her what felt like an awkward smile and an equally awkward wave.

She smiled at me. She smiled the same way she had smiled at me the day of our middle school field trip before Quinn had yelled at her.

"Brittany, let's go," the blonde girl said. I guessed that was one of her sisters, but I wondered if she was the nice one or the mean one.

Brittany continued walking and the two blondes hurried away from the scalding sun's heat and into the front office.

That was the first time and last time I saw her that summer. I still passed by her house a few times after that but never saw her. When I casually brought up running into her while talking to Quinn through the phone, she groaned and asked why I still cared about her, but she didn't question me for long because she had just started dating a kid named Noah and that's all she wanted to talk about.

When we started the school year, Quinn stopped hanging out with me and spent most of her break time by the isolated vending machines making out with her boyfriend, which apparently now went by the ridiculous name of 'Puck.'

Luckily for me, I was able to make a new friend the first week of school. She was in both my Math and History class and had the weirdest name ever but was pretty cool for the most part. She also had wealthy parents, which was weird because she went to public school. But anyway, she was cool, except for the fact that she sucked at Math just as much as I did.

"Hey, I know someone who has this class a day before us and she would totally let us copy her homework," Sugar said as we packed up our textbooks and notebooks. "I think she has P.E. right now. Let's go ask her?"

I slipped my backpack on. "I'm not asking her. I don't even know her, but I'll go with you."

We only had a five minute passing period, so we rushed to the locker rooms and waited outside for the Math Girl.

"Maybe she already left," I offered after waiting a little too long. "The bell's about to ring. We need to go." I was watching the last few students scatter to their classrooms when I heard Sugar shout, "Brittany!" The bell rang and I almost snapped my neck as I looked back over my shoulder.

Brittany neared Sugar with a flushed face and a light coat of sweat on her forehead.

"Hey!" Sugar leaned forward and wrapped Brittany in a hug which she gladly returned.

As they pulled back, Brittany made eye contact with me over Sugar's shoulder and smiled. "Hi."

"Hey," I said back with a half grin.

"Ak!" Sugar yelped. "You're kinda sweaty."

"Oh, yeah." Brittany looked back at her and flushed. "I'm sorry. We had to run a lot today."

"It's okay. Hey, we were waiting for you because I want to ask you for a huge favor."

Brittany glanced at me then looked back at Sugar.

"I was wondering if I may borrow your math homework?" Sugar grimaced. "It's just that Santana and I aren't very good at Math, so we just want to... look over your homework and try to understand it that way."

"Oh." Brittany looked at me and I avoided her eyes by looking down and examining the notebook I was holding. "Yeah. You can borrow it." She swung her backpack from her back to her chest and pulled out two sheets of paper. "But I need it back tomorrow morning. I don't want to turn it in late."

"Of course!" Sugar took the homework and slipped it into her binder. "Actually, Santana and I have History next so we can be done with it by lunch time."

"You're going to study during your History class?" Brittany asked confused.

"Um..." Sugar glanced at me. "We're not going to study. Just... glance at it so that we can understand it better."

"Oh." Brittany nodded once.

"How about you meet us at the lunch tables outside the cafeteria during lunch and we'll give it back to you then."

"Okay."

"Cool! We'll see you later then." Sugar looped her arm with mine and pulled me towards our classroom.

"Bye, Santana," I faintly heard Brittany say.

I twisted my upper body to look back at her and waved goodbye.

/

"Sugar, _hurry up_!" I scolded. "She's going to show up soon and see that we're copying it."

"By what you told me in History class, you know her a lot better than me and you said she's nice, so I don't think she'll get mad if she finds out. Plus, you're the one that got caught _doing_ math homework during History." She spoke as she jotted down messy equations on her paper. "I could have finished it in there if you hadn't gotten caught and forced to put it away."

"Just be glad that I'm brilliant and got caught _working_ on math homework and not copying."

"Hi."

"Oh! Hey, Brittany! I'm almost done cop- comparing..." Sugar corrected herself, "Our homeworks. Sit down. I'll be done soon."

Brittany placed her food tray down on the table with a smile and sat across from Sugar and me. She ripped open her bag of potato chips and dropped one in her mouth.

I tried to keep my eyes down on Sugar's work but was forced to look at Brittany when she spoke.

"You still don't understand math?"

"Oh, um. No." I paused. "It's okay though, Sugar and I help each other out."

Her brow furrowed. "But Sugar doesn't get it either."

"I get it," Sugar defended, "...Sometimes."

"Shut up, no you don't," I said.

"I can tutor you."

Sugar and I both looked at her.

"The both of you," Brittany added. "If you want."

I immediately thought of her offer as a bad idea. The last time Brittany had helped me with math homework things didn't end well. I would have rather failed Math class than go through the whole Brittany thing again.

"Oh my god, really?" Sugar beamed. "That'd be perfect!"

"What?" I looked at her with something close to terror. "Sugar, no." I glanced at Brittany. "I mean, Brittany already has six classes, tutoring us would just add to that."

"I don't mind," Brittany said. "I like Math. And I like to help."

"See, Santana! It's fine." Sugar slapped my arm. "When can we get together, Brittany?"

We got together everyday during lunch unless we didn't have homework. In which case Brittany wouldn't show up. I didn't know where she would go on those days, but I hoped she had a friend or two.

"I'm starting to understand things better now," I said after the first week and a half of getting tutored. "I don't think we need tutoring anymore."

Sugar thought about it for a moment. "Well, I do get the stuff we're doing right now, but I'm pretty sure we won't get the next chapters. Brittany doesn't charge us anything and we've been passing our tests; I think we should keep letting her tutor us."

I groaned.

"Wait. Are you scared she's going to get... attached or whatever, again?"

I shrugged.

"Why does she make you uncomfortable, anyway? I give you hugs and hold your arm."

"Yeah, but you don't try to hold my hand and you have other friends apart from me."

"That's true. I am super popular. But it's a little sad that Brittany doesn't have any friends. If you weren't scared of her, I'd totally invite her to hang out with us 'cause the other day, I saw her eating lunch alone by the track. It was super sad."

I frowned.

I felt really terrible. I knew Brittany was super sweet and could be a good friend. I just wished I could get over the anxiety she gave me and I wished she wasn't so intense.

/

One Friday afternoon, during lunch, we finished our tutoring session early, so Sugar, Brittany and I were chit chatting about random stuff. Sugar and Brittany wandered off into a conversation about movies and I just listened because I hadn't seen any of the movies they were mentioning.

"I haven't been to the movie theater in weeks!" Sugar exaggerated. "I really want to go see the new Harry Potter movie, but Santana refuses to go."

I rolled my eyes.

"Would you want to go with me, Brittany?"

I widened my eyes.

"To the movies?" Brittany grinned from ear to ear. "Yeah. I want to go."

"Awesome! Write down your address." Sugar handed her a sheet of paper. "My mom can drive us. She has a super posh Mercedes Benz."

Brittany finished writing down her address and slid the paper over to Sugar. "Do you think we can watch another movie after Harry Potter?"

"Hmm, I think so. We can sneak in after. What movie did you want to watch?"

"Brokeback Mountain."

Sugar's brow pinched together. "Isn't that one about like, gay cowboys or something?"

Brittany nodded.

I looked at Sugar and anxiously waited for her to say something.

"Yeah, we can watch that too. It's probably rated R though, so we're going to have to be super sneaky, like ninja status."

I was surprised. I thought Sugar was going to grimace and ask Brittany why she wanted to watch a movie about two gay guys. I'm sure that's what Quinn would have done.

That Saturday, Sugar called me and asked me one last time if I was sure I didn't want to go to the movies with them. I answered no. For starters, I hated Harry Potter, and I also wasn't going to watch a movie about some dudes making out. I didn't understand why Brittany was interested in that.

"So. Did you have fun at the movies?" I asked Sugar during math class the following week.

"Oh, yeah! You missed out. Harry Potter was uh-mazing!"

"Did you end up watching the other movie too?"

She nodded. "It was super sad. Those guys really loved each other and it didn't have a very happy ending. I think Brittany teared up. I'm not sure, though. It was really dark in there."

When we had lunch that day, I was feeling relieved because we had a math test the following week so our teacher didn't assign any homework for a few days. I thought Sugar and I would have lunch and not have to worry about equations... or Brittany. But Sugar forgot to mentioned the fact that she had invited Brittany to have lunch with us even if she wasn't tutoring us.

"Are you serious?" I exclaimed as we sat down at our usual lunch table. "You asked her to sit with us?"

"Sorry! She's really nice, I don't get why she doesn't have friends."

"I told you what happened between her and I. That's why she doesn't have friends!"

"Well, I'm the one that hung out with her and stuff. We get along. She probably doesn't even care about you anymore."

I sighed and stabbed one of my fish sticks.

"Hi, guys." Brittany showed up out of nowhere as usual and sat down next to Sugar.

"Hey, Britt! I was just telling Santana how good the movies were."

"Oh, yeah. They were really good. You should come with us next time, Santana," Brittany suggested.

"Oh. Yeah, maybe."

There was next times. They went out a lot, actually. There was always an invitation for me, but I always made up an excuse so I wouldn't have to go. _My mom said no. I have homework. I'm grounded._

One day during a passing period, I stopped at a vending machine to get something to drink. I was standing there trying to choose between a Gatorade and a Coke when two warm hands covered my eyes from behind.

"Hi," Brittany whispered near my ear. She pulled her hands away and I turned around to face her.

"Hey."

She hugged me, not like she used to though. It was a quick hug, as if she was afraid she'd hold me for too long.

"What are you gonna buy?" She asked with a smile.

I turned back around to the vending machine and pressed the button with a Gatorade picture on it. The blue drink rolled out and I held it up for her to see.

"I like those," she said and re-adjusted the strap hanging from her shoulder.

"What's with the duffle bag?"

"I made the Basketball team. Today's my first game. Will... will you come?... Sugar's going," she added for support.

I exhale an 'oh'. "Um..." I looked her in the eye and saw how hopeful she was. "Yeah. I'll catch a ride with Sugar."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Here." I held out the Gatorade for her to take. "Don't pass out during the game."

She took the drink with an enormous grin and pink cheeks. "Thank you."

I've ever been a Basketball fan, but it was pretty entertaining to watch her play. She was as good at Basketball as she was at Volleyball. Her team won and when she finished changing and came out the locker rooms she was so excited that she almost knocked Sugar and I over with a group hug.

"You were so awesome, Brittany! I don't get how you can take on some of those huge girls," Sugar said.

Brittany shrugged and laughed. "Thank you guys for coming." She pulled the both of us in for a second hug and when she subtly turned her face a few inches to the left she kissed my cheek.

I didn't go to any of her games after that.

/

A few weeks later, Valentine's Day came around and Sugar got a secret admirer.

"Oh my god, I wonder if he's cute," Sugar gushed after she found the stupidest and most corny love letter I've ever read taped to her lock. "He has to be cute. I don't think an ugly boy would approach me." She gasped. "Santana, what if he's ugly and that's why he decided to be a _secret_ admirer?!"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure he's a looker, Sugar."

We walked up to my locker and Sugar gasped again. "What is that?!" She peeled off the tape holding a chocolate bar to my locker and turned it over before reading out loud, "I hope you have a sweet day. Smiley face. Heart." Her mouth gaped. "We both have secret admirers!"

"Ugh. You can have the chocolate. Valentine's Day is stupid." I opened my locker and pulled out my English book. "I'll see you in lunch."

I remember walking through the hall to get to my English class and feeling extremely annoyed at all the girls fawning over some stupid stuffed animal or cheap flower. I don't get the point of Valentine's Day. It's clearly just a ploy to get idiots to buy candy and get the even bigger idiots to spend their money on expensive dinners and jewelry. If you love someone, then why can't you just show them your love on a regular day basis? Why do you need a specific date?

After getting through my English class, I was the first one to walk out the classroom because I always sat next to the exit. I pushed the door open and came face to face with a bundle of balloons. I slapped them away from my face and looked down to find a bag of heart candies weighing the balloons down. I picked it up and read the tag hanging from it,_ 'For Santana Lopez. Thinking of you makes me feel like a floating balloon.'_ I frowned. I was sure that whichever boy was giving me all this candy was inexperienced with this sorts of stuff.

I picked up the bag of candies and tried stuffing them along with the balloons in my locker, but they obviously didn't fit, so I went out to the quad area and l untied the balloons, allowing the wind to carry them off to God knows where.

During lunch, Sugar showed up with a stupid teddy bear from her admirer and seeing her reminded me of the bag of candies I had in my backpack. I pulled them out and tossed them on the table. Sugar and Brittany both looked at me.

"You guys can have them," I said.

"They're from your admirer, aren't they?" Sugar asked. "Santana, you should keep them. Some sweet boy is spending his money on you."

"He's no sweet. He's stupid. I didn't ask for any candy, so it's his own damn fault that he's money is going to waste."

Brittany and Sugar exchanged glances.

"Well, I'm not going to let them go to waste." Sugar took the candy and stuffed it in her backpack.

After lunch, I had two more classes: Science and a Health class. I always go to my locker during that passing period to change textbooks and that day it wasn't any different, except for the fact that I found Brittany standing at my locker.

"Brittany?" I asked as I walked closer.

Brittany turned around and seemed surprised to see me. She kept her hands behind her back and asked, "What are you doing here?"

My brow furrowed. "This is my locker. I came to switch books. What are _you_ doing here? Isn't your locker down the hall?"

She shook her head. "Well, I mean, yes but I was- I was just." She sighed and let her arms drop back to her sides, revealing her hands to be holding a yellow rose and a roll of tape.

I looked around and made sure no one was watching us. "Brittany, are you the one that gave me all that candy today?"

She looked at me timidly and nodded. "Happy Valentine's Day," she said and before I could react she kissed my cheek and wrapped me in her arms.

"Brittany, no." I pushed her away. "What are you doing? Girls can't be other girl's secret admirers!"

Brittany's face fell. "Why not?"

"Because! That's not how things are suppose to be done."

"But we're friends."

I shook my head. "We're not friends. Look, don't mix things up. Sugar is your friend and that's fine, but I only hang out with you guys because I was already Sugar's friend when you started having lunch with us. We're not friends and we're definitely not best friends, okay? So stop kissing me and hugging me all the time. And stop leaving me stupid candy everywhere."

The bell indicating we were suppose to be in class rang. Brittany and I were the only ones left in the hall.

Her blue eyes turned crystal blue when the tears started forming and her eyebrows pushed together and upwards. "Okay." Her head hung a little. "I'm sorry," she whispered and hurried down the hall and out the door.

/

The following day Sugar came into Math class extremely upset.

"Santana!" She took her sit next to me and slammed her backpack down on the desk. "Why were you so mean to Brittany?!"

"Sugar, I don't want to talk about it, okay? If you want to hang out with her now and not me that's fine. I understand."

"Of course I'm going to hang out with her! She did nothing wrong. I'm not going to stop being her friend because you were mean to her!"

"Are you going to stop talking to me?" I asked. I was worried. I liked Sugar. I liked being her friend.

"No. You're my friend too, but obviously we can't all hang out together anymore, so I have to choose one of you."

I sighed. "I know. It's fine. Brittany needs a friend more than I do."

"I don't understand how you can care about her, but at the same time not want to help her," she said, her voice a little more toned down.

I didn't get it either.

/

For the first time ever, I was a loner.

Sugar and Brittany continued to sit at our lunch table and after a few weeks Sugar said it was okay if I sat with them again. She said Brittany had agreed to inviting me to sit with them, but I denied her offer.

I continued to eat alone for the remainder of the year. It wasn't fun. Not one bit. Once I experienced not having any friends, I felt a million times worse about having deprived Brittany from a friend of her own.

I was only friendless for a while though. During my second and final year at that school, Quinn invited me to have lunch with her and Puck. She said she felt sorry for me and didn't think I should be friends with Sugar because anyone who found Brittany amusing was clearly just as weird. So I took what was offered to me and became "friends" with Quinn again and even Puck. We also walked home together after school. Quinn's mom no longer picked up her up because Quinn insisted on having Puck walk her home since he was her boyfriend. I never understood Quinn's obsession with having a boyfriend. Why would you want one? They smelled and we're immature and just... no.

Towards the end of that school year, Puck let us in on some gossip. "Did you guys hear the rumor about Brittany? He asked with a cheeky grin.

My ears immediately perked when her name was mentioned.

"Let me guess, she's pregnant," Quinn said dryly.

"Nope. Any more guesses?"

"Just tell us, Puck," I ordered.

"Well, I heard that she's bi."

"What?" Quinn grimaced. "As in gay?"

"Not _gay_. Bi. As in she likes dick and pussy."

"Puck!" Quinn scolded. "That's disgusting! Don't talk like that."

"That's what it means!" He defended. "I think it's hot. Her boyfriends will probably get to have threesomes."

Quinn scowled at him.

"I'm just saying," he said.

I kept my eyes on the floor and didn't say anything, hoping Quinn wouldn't ask for my opinion on this new information. She didn't, but she did say Brittany was not only annoying but gross too.

I didn't know what to think of it. I didn't even know if it was true. But if it were indeed true, then it certainly made some things begin to make sense.


	3. 12

_Freshman Year _

"God, I hate half the people in this class," Quinn complained while we sat in Biology class.

"We don't know any of them, " I said.

"I still hate them."

"Ladies..." our teacher paused his lecture to look at us. "Is there something you want to share with the class? You seem to have a lot to say." As he spoke, all I could do was stare at the bald shiny spot on the top of his head. It had been very distracting that whole class period.

"Sorry," Quinn forced in a low voice.

Mr. Bald turned his attention back to the class and continued his lecture.

It was my second day of high school. I was pretty happy with the six classes I had gotten. Quinn was in two of them and Sugar was in my Art class. My Biology class was my first class of the day. I liked it because Mr. Bald was a pretty cool teacher for the most part. He was one of those teachers who thought they were still young and understood our generation.

After he finished the lecture, he passed out a few worksheets and turned the radio on to a mainstream station. "I'm going to do roll call as you do your work," he announced. He began calling out our names and when he was done he asked, "Did I get everyone?"

At that moment, the backdoor opened; I sat in the last table so I had a clear view of it.

"Ah, you're a day late!" Mr. Bald joked. "What's your name?" He asked while looking down at his roll call sheet.

She caught my eye and then looked back at the teacher. "Brittany."

/

During lunch Quinn did what she did best and bitched about Brittany being in our class. "I already hate everyone in there and now we have to put up with the Gay Girl."

"She's Bi, remem-"

"Shut up, Puck," Quinn silenced him. "I bet she's only saying that to get attention. That's what "bisexual" people really want. That or she's a full lesbian and doesn't want to admit it. Either way, she's disgusting. This is probably her clever idea to gain popularity now that we're in high school."

Quinn's last comment got me thinking. I still didn't know if what they said about Brittany's sexuality was true or just a rumor. I hadn't seen her with a girl. I had hardly seen her at all. But maybe Quinn was right and this was just a way for her to gain some popularity now that we were starting high school. Maybe she thought she'd gain friends this way. It made sense, except I couldn't imagine Brittany doing anything like that. She was too sweet of a person to do stuff like that.

When I had first heard the rumor about her, I thought about it for a few days. I didn't want to believe it because I hate gossip, but I thought that if she was indeed bisexual, then the attraction she had had for me might of been more than just a friendly attraction. If that was the case then... Well, I didn't really know how to feel about that.

I needed to know if it was true or not. I thought about it everyday. I didn't understand why it was so important for me to know, but I classified it as pure curiosity and decided to ask the person who I knew would know the truth.

/

"Hey, Sugar." I hung my backpack on my chair and pulled out my drawing utensils.

Sugar and Brittany still hung out together. They were practically best friends. If there was someone who knew the truth about Brittany it would be Sugar.

"Hi! Can I borrow one of your pencils?" She asked. "I totally forgot all my art stuff."

"Of course," I answered with a little too much enthusiasm. I handed her a pencil and sat down. "Umm..." I cleared my throat. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm," she replied as she began drawing a rose.

I looked around to make sure no one was watching us and leaned closer to her. "Is what they say about Brittany true?"

She paused her hand's movement and looked at me. "Why don't you ask her? I'm sure she wouldn't mind telling you if it's true or not."

"Sugar, c'mon. Just tell me. You know I don't talk to her."

"Why do you want to know? Why does it matter?"

I leaned back on my chair in an attempt to look disinterested. "It doesn't. I'm just curious."

"Well, if you're super curious you can ask Brittany and know before the day is over."

"By not telling me, you're making it seem like it is true. Did you know that?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Maybe I just want to respect Brittany and not feed the gossip that's going around about her."

"So it isn't true then. It's just gossip?"

"I didn't say that."

I groaned. "You suck. Thanks for nothing."

Sugar smiled and continued drawing her rose. "Thanks for the pencil."

/

Of course I never asked Brittany if it was true or not. I had plenty of opportunities since I saw her every other day during Biology class, but I'd never go up to her and ask her such a dumb question.

One gloomy morning though, as we were waiting outside the classroom for Mr. Bald to arrive, Brittany leaned against the wall next to me and greeted me with a simple, "Hi."

I looked to my right to make sure she wasn't talking to the person next to me. When I realized she was talking to me, I replied, "Oh, hi." This was the first time we had actually spoken to each other since we had started school.

"Where's Quinn?" She asked.

"She's running a little late."

Brittany nodded and I began to wonder why she was talking to me. I wondered why she always seemed to forget how awful I'd been to her.

A giggle broke my train of thought and brought me back to reality. I looked at Brittany and saw her staring at me with a smile.

"What?" I asked, matching her smile.

She shook her head. "Nothing." She crossed her arms across her torso and shrunk a little against the cold air.

"Are you cold? Do you want to borrow my sweater?" I asked out of what I thought was good-will intuition, but the truth is I don't regularly offer my sweaters to people.

"What?" She turned to me and watched as I shook my fleece off. "Oh, no, no. I'm okay."

I finished slipping my arms out of it and held it out to her. "Here. Take it."

"No, Santana. I'm fine, really. "

It had been a while since I had heard her say my name and I realized I kind of missed it. "Take it, please."

With a shy smile, Brittany gave in and slipped it on. "Thanks," she all but whispered. She tucked her chin in as she pulled the zipper up along her torso, paused, then turned to look at me. "It's true."

I felt my eyebrows push together in confusion. "Huh?"

"The rumor about me. It's true... I heard you were wondering, so..." She shrugged.

"Oh." I nodded my head once. "Okay."

I didn't talk to her for the rest of the day, and when class was over she walked out with out giving me my sweater back. I guessed she had forgotten, but I didn't really mind. Plus, I didn't know if I was ready to talk to her again. She had just confirmed she was bisexual and I didn't know if that meant my theory was correct and she had felt more than what friends feel for each other. I also didn't know this then, but that confirmation marked the beginning of a huge change in my life.

/

"All your music sucks. It's all like, black music. Why don't you have some Justin Timberlake or something like that," Quinn complained as we got to Biology class one morning. "You don't live in South Central you know?"

I snatched my new Ipod from her. "I'm not suppose to upload music you like. It is _my _Ipod for _my _music."

She re-adjusted one of my ear buds into her ear. "All I'm saying is that you should listen to music that doesn't talk about bitches and money once in a while."

"Whatever," I said as we took our seats.

"Hi." A pair of pale hands softly planted themselves on our lab table.

I looked up and for the first time ever I felt something I had never felt around anyone before. I felt nervous. It wasn't the class presentation type of nervous though. This version of it was foreign to me. "Hey, Brittany," I said in my best casual voice.

"You got the new Ipod?" She asked, eyeing the device in my hand. "What are you listening to?"

"We're listening to music. What else could it be?" Quinn took the Ipod from me and changed the track. "Go away, Brittany," she ordered bluntly.

"Quinn!" I scolded. "Stop being such a bitch!"

Quinn turned to look at me wide-eyed.

"It's okay," Brittany announced. "I'm going to go get started on the classwork." She held up her hand as to say good-bye and walked back to her seat.

Brittany kept her distance after that incident. We sometimes had small chit-chats before class or while we were gathering our dissecting supplies by the back table but nothing more. She always seemed to cut the conversation short, which sucked for me because I really liked to listen to her talk. I wasn't a fan of science, but she knew her stuff and I loved to hear her explain things even though I didn't understand what she was talking about half the time, so I often asked her stupid questions so that I could pretend to listen to her when really, I was just enjoying the way she so vividly explained the process of cell division.

One day, I caught myself walking towards her table. When I stopped next to her seat, I stared down at her and forced myself to stay put. "Brittany?"

She stopped her writing to look at me. "Oh, hi."

"Hey. Um... So you know how we have to do that stupid DNA presentation?" I waited for her to nod. "Well, Quinn and I are pairing up, but we need another person, so I was wondering if you want to be in our group?"

She smiled for a second but then a worried expression formed on her face. "Quinn wants me in her group?"

"Yeah, totally. She doesn't get any of this and knows you're super smart, so she definitely wants you in our group. She probably won't do any work, but I'll help you do everything. All you have to do is explain it to me cause I'm a little lost, but I'll do whatever you say. I promise."

Her smile returned. "Sooo... It's kind of just going to be me and you in the group?"

"Well, Quinn is still gonna be with us, but I guess, yeah."

Brittany watched me for a moment. I didn't know if she was thinking about it or I had something on my face. After a few seconds, still holding her smile, she closed her book and gathered her things. "Let's get started."

/

The truth is, Quinn wasn't 100% on board with the idea of Brittany being in our group, but she did like the idea of not doing anything and getting credit, so she kept quiet for once and allowed Brittany to work with us.

"So let me make sure I get this," I started. "The red fruit loop will be Ademine-"

"Adenine," Brittany corrected with a soft smile.

I pointed my index finger at her. "Right, Adenine. Okay, the green fruit loop will be Thymine, the purple Guanine, and the yellow Cytosine?"

"Mhm," Brittany nodded as she slipped the fruit loops one by one into the DNA model we were building.

"Okay, I don't think I'm going to remember that."

"That's okay. You can ask me as many times as you need to. I don't mind."

"I don't want to annoy you."

"You won't."

"You're both annoying me," I heard Quinn groan next to me. She ate a fruit loop then asked, "Are you guys even going to finish this today? It's Friday and it's due Monday."

"We would probably finish it if you'd help us," I said.

"That wasn't the deal."

I glared at her but didn't allow myself to argue with her. Not in front of Brittany. "Maybe we can take this home and work on it?" I suggested to Brittany. "I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind if you come over to my house to finish it."

"To your house?" A fruit loop slipped from Brittany's fingers and she bent down to pick it up off the floor.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "I don't think it'll take too long to finish. We can watch a movie or something after. Have you ever seen Sweet Valley High? My mom just bought me the DVD set."

"No, I've never heard of it."

"What? Okay, you have to come over. Meet me by the front entrance after school, okay? We can walk to my house together."

/

Brittany didn't meet me by the gate after school. I waited for her until the herd of students rushing out of the gate began to thin out, then I received a text message from a unknown number.

Hi Santana. I forgot I have to buy food for my cat today. He gets really mad when he doesnt have food, so I cant go to ur house but dont worry I will finish our project and bring it back on Monday. :)

The message was quickly followed by a second text.

This is Brittany btw. Sugar gave me ur number.

I frowned. I didn't think it was fair that she was going to have to do all the work. Quinn was already doing absolutely nothing. I didn't want to take advantage of Brittany too.

I looked at my phone again and began typing. I don't think you should do it all on your own. How about I go to your house?

A few minutes passed by and I began to think she wasn't going to reply, but then my phone beeped.

Its okay. I can do it on my own. Please dont come over.

'Please don't come over.' I didn't know how to take that. To be honest, I felt a little offended, but after thinking about it, I thought that maybe Brittany was just trying to be really nice and polite, so I decided to respect her request and waited to see her the following week.

That Monday she was quieter than usual and the only time she said more than a few words was when we presented our project, which we obviously received an A for since it had been done mostly by Brittany.

"Brittany, seriously thanks so much for working with us. We would have never gotten an A on our own." I said as Brittany sat back down at her desk.

"It's no problem," she said kindly.

"Um... So, I was thinking that maybe we could go to the burger joint down the street after school. I could buy you lunch as a thank you?"

"Oh, that's okay. You don't have to do that."

"But I want to. I heard the burgers are really good. C'mon you can't say no to free food."

Brittany chuckled. "Thank you, Santana, but I just... I can't- right now."

"Oh. Okay. That's okay. Um... maybe some other time then?"

She nodded. "Yeah, maybe."

A few days later, that same week, without any warning, Brittany transferred out of the class. When I texted her to ask why she had done that, she said she hadn't been enjoying the class, which I knew was a complete lie.

That was the last time she answered any of my text messages.

/

_Sophomore Year _

During the next school year, we rarely had any interactions. But it was during that time that I became extremely self-conscious when I was around her. We had the same English class and sat across the room from each other but that didn't seem to affect her in any way. She hardly ever looked my way. The most I ever got from her was one of those weird tight sealed smiles that strangers give you.

I wanted to talk to her. I really did. But not only was I too nervous to go anywhere near her, but I was also worried I'd come off as annoying. She obviously wanted nothing to do with me. I could take a hint. And that was fair. I deserved it. But it didn't change the fact that I was developing strange feelings for her.

There was one day when I was told to pass back everyone's English papers. When I came across Brittany's report, I swallowed thickly. This was my chance to talk to her. I had an excuse to go up to her. But god was I nervous, so, so, nervous. I looked across the room and began walking her way. When I got to her, her back was facing me and I noticed she was doing something really weird and ridiculous. She was plucking a boy's eyebrows. Like with tweezers. The way a girl would for another girl.

"Brittany?" I said. The tone of my voice was calm and collected, which surprised me.

She turned her neck, her bright blue eyes surprised to see me standing there. The awkward smile that I had come to know so well appeared on her face. "Hey."

"Your paper." I held out the white sheet.

"Oh, Than-"

I don't know what came over me at that moment, I honestly don't, but I flicked my wrist upwards, moving the paper away from her reach. Her thin lips frowned a little and I quickly held out the paper again. When she reached for it, I pulled it away the same way. I could feel myself smiling. I didn't know why I was doing what I was doing. I just felt like being silly. I didn't even care that that kid Kurt and his freshly tweezed eyebrows were staring at me. When Brittany looked up and saw me smiling she smiled back. A genuine smile. Not a stranger's smile.

I finally allowed her to take the paper from me. "Thank you," she said, still grinning.

As I continued to hand back assignments, I thought about how childish I had acted, but I didn't really care because I had finally gotten a real smile from her. I looked back at Brittany, hoping to see that smile again but was disappointed when I saw her giggling and shaking her head at something Kurt had said. They both looked up at me at the same time and when Brittany caught my eye she shyly adverted my gaze.

/

_Junior Year _

"I told you you needed to practice your blocking!" Quinn scolded as we dressed back into our street clothes in the locker rooms. "That's the only reason why Coach didn't pick you! If you had kept up with the practice schedule I made for us then this wouldn't have happened."

I slammed my locker shut and grabbed my duffle bag before heading for the exit.

"Hey! Santana! Wait!" I heard Quinn's yelling become more distant as I walked further away from her and closer to the door. When I turned a corner I bumped into Brittany.

"Sorry," I quickly said and tried to go around her.

"Wait!" She said, gently stepping in front of me to block my path. "It sucks you didn't make the volleyball team. I watched your try outs and I thought you did really good."

As expected, I was surprised she was talking to me. It was my turn to give her the awkward stranger smile. "Thanks."

"It- It would have been nice to have you on the team."

My heart fluttered. "You think so?" I asked.

"Yeah. I think you're a really good player. It would have been good for the team."

The team. Right.

I shrugged my slumped shoulders. "Maybe next year."

"I hope so," she said with a smile; a smile I for once couldn't match.

/

_Senior Year_

The Senior Square. I think every high school has their own version of The Senior Square. For us it was a squared grass area in the main quad where all the "cool seniors" had lunch. Having said that, I still wonder how I ended up there. I guess I could say it was thanks to Quinn because even though I hate to admit it, she was quite popular. Not nearly as popular as Brittany had become though, which irritated Quinn like crazy.

Brittany had transformed into quite the superstar. She was now best friends with Kurt, who had come out as gay, and a very promiscuous girl named Joanna. She did not only have very infamous friendships, but among other things, she had just finished basketball season as captain of the varsity team, was a member of the Associated Student Body, a member of the Straight and Gay alliance club, and was very, very good looking. I mean, she had always been pretty to me, but that year she was just blossomed. She was becoming a woman. A very lean, athletic, yet feminine woman. She was extremely popular among the boys and the few girls who didn't hate her for being so popular.

As for me, I was still the friendless girl who was always self-aware around her even though she didn't even care to glance at me. And I say friendless because sure I had Quinn and her new clan of senior cheerleader friends, but none of them were really my friends, not even Quinn.

"Did you guys hear the rumor about what happened at Puck's party last night?" I heard one of the cheerleaders comment as I silently ate my slice of pizza; school lunches were always so nutritious.

"You mean the story about the girl who broke the water fountain by go-go dancing on it?" Another girl asked.

"No, not that. I heard someone saw that Brittany girl and her friend Joanna making out."

I stopped chewing.

"Did you hear anything about that, Quinn?" The girl asked her.

Quinn shook her head. "No. Wouldn't surprise me though. They're both sluts."

"I know Brittany is Bi or whatever," the cheerleader continued. "But doesn't she have a boyfriend? I think he's some soccer player kid from Carmel High."

I discreetly turned to look at Brittany who ate lunch at the center of the square, and saw her resting her head on Kurt's shoulder. Her eyes were closed but she couldn't have been sleeping because they were standing. I guessed the previous night must have been one hell of a party.

Intrigued by what I had heard during lunch, I went home that night and did what some people might call snooping, but I just like to call it research. I mean, why is Facebook even available if it's not to snoop and stalk. Well, that's an irrelevant question because I didn't do either of those things. It was strict research.

I first scrolled down my timeline in hopes that someone had posted something about the party, particularly about Brittany and a make out, but I found nothing more than pictures of drunk people. I skimmed through them pretty fast, uninterested in idiots getting high and drunk. It wasn't until I came across a picture with a half naked Blonde in the background that I took my time to examine the photo. This girl was wearing some booty shorts and a bra and was busy taking a shot with a group of people. Her face was obscured by her arm but when my mouse went over her, Brittany S. Pierce appeared as a tag.

Without hesitating, I clicked on her name which brought up her profile. She had posted some pictures of the party and I remember thinking she looked extremely sexy in her bra and shorts. I allowed myself to look at them one by one and noticed Joanna was in a lot of them, but there was definitely no kissing in any of the pictures. They really just looked like good friends.

I checked the time at the corner of my computer screen and groaned when I saw how late it was. I had something important to do the next morning, so I quickly clicked on her basic information tab to snoop one last thing.

_I am: Female _

_Birthday: Feb 6, 1994 _

_Interested In: Men & Women _

_Relationship status: In a relationship _

Well.

/

"Congratulations, Lopez. You're in," Coach Roz announced.

"Really?"I asked excitedly.

She stared at me. "No, I meant George Lopez made the team. He's our new libero. Girl, you better not be the type to ask stupid questions or I will kick you off this team with my very own damn foot!"

"Sorry. I'm not that type. I swear."

Her eyes narrowed to slits. "Go get a drink of water. We're starting our first practice."

"Today?"

She snapped back to look at me. "What did I just tell you!"

"Sorry!" I hurried to the bleachers were my bottled water sat and began unscrewing the top. As I took a long refreshing sip of my water, a girl by the name of Stephany came up to me. I wouldn't say we were friends, but we talked a few times.

"Hey, Santana. Congrats on making the team. You're a super good setter."

"Thanks," I replied.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

I nodded.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I was just wondering if... Are you gay?

I quickly swallowed my water before I had the chance to spit it all over her face. "What? No. I- I'm not."

"Are you sure? Cause you don't have a sexual orientation listed on your Facebook and I've never seen you with any guy. I mean it's cool if you are. I don't care. I was just curious."

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe this girl was asking me such a question.

"I'm sure, Stephany. I'm not gay."

"Brittany! Did I not tell you to be here for the try outs?" I heard Coach Roz ask with irritation in her voice. "Just because you're team captain don't mean you can come in when you damn well please, Hat Rack! I still make the rules here!"

"Sorry, Coach," I heard Brittany say.

I didn't even bother turning around to see the commotion. I silently packed up my things and began to slip out the side of the gym.

"Where are you going?" Stephany asked. "We have practice."

"Salsa Caliente!" Coach Roz yelled, making me pick up the pace. "Lopez!"

I almost ran out the gym and kept moving until I got to my car. I sat in there for almost an hour thinking about what had just happened. Was I gay? I had subtlety always thought about girls being the most beautiful creatures on this planet. I had even developed one or two light crushes on pretty girls. Not once had I felt anything for a boy, ever. I guess I had always known what I was but never really thought about it. I was okay without falling in love or dating anyone. I was fine. I had no reason to think about what I felt or what I was; until that day. Someone had finally asked the question I had never asked myself. And I quickly realized what the answer was. Yes, I was gay. But that night I realized something far more important. I realized that I had feelings for Brittany. Feelings which I had had for a long, long time.

/

My dramatic exit from the gym and the fact that I never stepped foot in there again had been interpreted as I hoped by Coach Roz and the team; as a resignation. I was a quitter and had nothing going for me, so I decided to join journalism. And because I'm the luckiest person in the world, my first assignment was to interview the captain of the volleyball team after their big win.

"Hey Sugar? Do you want to switch interviews with me?"

I occasionally spoke to Sugar throughout our time in high school, but when we both ended up in the same journalism class, we became closer friends. I even ditched Quinn and started hanging out with her.

Sugar looked up from her laptop and asked, "Who are you interviewing?"

"The volleyball team."

"Pass."

"Ugh, c'mon Sugar! You're interviewing the president of the Green Earth Club. Like that's any better. Just switch with me. I hate writing about sports."

"Too bad. We all get crappy stories. Just do it."

I rolled my eyes and began writing my interview questions.

/

"Okay, so um... We could just sit here if you want," I said, and motioned to the bench near by.

Brittany nodded. "Sure."

Once I settled on the bench with her - as far as possible as I could be with out making it look too obvious - I opened my notebook and kept my head down as I asked my first question. "How does it feel to have so much success this early in the season?"

As the interview went on, I tried to avoid looking at her as much as possible. Just knowing that I was in her presence made my palms sweaty. "Okay last question, um... If you could improve one area of the team what would it be?"

"Hmmm..." Brittany hummed as she thought about her answer. "Our offence. Stephany is definitely a great setter, but I think we would have done a lot better if you had stayed on the team."

My writing came to a halt and I slowly looked up at her. "I'm... I- Thanks for that, but I don't think we can put that in."

"Why not?" She asked, innocently. "It's the truth."

"I just- I don't think it's going to make Stephany very happy."

Brittany twisted her lips in thought then nodded. "You're right. I guess we can just go with our offence. That's it."

"Okay." I wrote down her last answer then closed my notebook. Before I could say anything Brittany spoke.

"Can I ask you a question now?"

I let the question linger in the air for a moment before nodding.

"Why did you quit the team?"

Crap. People had been asking me the same question but I somehow always got out of answering. "Oh. I... Well..." I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her I quit because I couldn't be around her without feeling like a bundle of nerves. That every time I saw her, I felt like a shivering Chihuahua because my feelings for her were growing stronger every day. "It just wasn't for me."

"But you've always loved volleyball. I mean, I remember you liking it a lot."

My chest filled with warmth at the thought of her thinking back to our elementary days on the volleyball courts.

"Yeah, I did. But..." I shrugged. "I realized I don't feel the same about it anymore. I guess I've changed."

"Well, that's okay. We all change. I think it's a good thing."

I smiled at that and tried to move on from the topic by asking if I could snap her picture to go along side with the article I was going to write.

"Where should we take it?" She asked.

"Against this wall is fine."

Her nose scrunched up in an adorable way. "How about next to these flowers?" She stood next to a bulk of lilies. "They're pretty, right?"

Not as pretty as you, I thought. "Yeah, they're great."

After placing her hands on her hips, she smiled a goofy kind of smile and I snapped the picture.

"I wish you still liked volleyball," she said, bringing her hands down to her sides. "It would have been super cool to have you in the team."

My cheeks flushed a little and I shyly grinned. "Thanks, Britt."

/

During the last month of our senior year, the universe decided to throw curveball after curveball at me. I ran into Brittany so often that I thought I had began to unconsciously stalk her. I ran into her in the bathroom, in the lockers, in the halls; I mean she was everywhere! And the worst part of it was that we never once said hello to each other. It was as if we had never had that talk on the bench. Not only was she still giving me the stranger's smile, but I was now returning it.

The last days of high school trickled down and when graduation came along I didn't have the courage to walk up to her and congratulate her. I watched her celebrate with her family from afar and wished I could have gotten one last stranger's smile.


	4. K-14

I became really encouraged by the responses I received on my last update, so I wrote a little more!

I also wanted to let you guys know that I will most likely wrap this story up in the next update, but don't worry, it will be longer than this one.

And one more thing. I read all the comments and wish I could reply to all of you but most people don't have an account, so I can't reply to you! But know that I do read your comments and I appreciate them all.

Thank you all for the support and I hope you all enjoy this one.

* * *

_Present Day _

"Santana, can you come up here for a second, please."

I stand from my seat on the 3rd row and walk up to Prof. Holliday's desk.

"I just finished reading your story." She smiles. "The topic you chose to write about really surprised me."

"Does that mean I got a bad grade?" I ask.

"No, not at all. You earned an A. I loved it. I was just surprised because it seems like something very personal."

I shift my weight from one foot to the other as I think about how honest I should be with her. "I guess it is kind of personal." I lower my voice for what I say next because I'm sure I've attracted some of the other student's attentions by saying the word 'personal'. "I've never told anyone about... about her. About Brittany.

Prof. Holliday nods and looks down at my assignment which sits on top the stack of papers on her desk . I can read the title from where I'm standing. Primary Education. Prof. Holliday writes a large A on the corner of my paper and hands it to me with a friendly smile.

"Thanks," I say, staring at the bright red A I just earned.

Before I can turn back to my seat, the Prof. asks me if she's allowed a personal question. I nod in approval.

"Have you talked to Brittany since you graduated high school?"

"No, I haven't."

"Do you know where she went to college?"

I shake my head. "I haven't heard anything about her, nor from her." I try to keep my frown at bay. "I'm sure she's doing fine though. She was always so smart."

My prof. nods with a smile. "She definitely sounds like a bright young lady. Maybe you girls will get to see each other again some day. It sounds like you have unfinished business."

I don't really know what she means by that, but I grin and agree with a quiet 'yeah' before going back to my seat.

/

"Argh! I hate my anthropology class! I thought we were going to talk about cool stuff like ancient civilizations, not monkeys and Darwin's theory."

"Sugar, aren't you taking bio anthropology?" I ask.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, that's what biology is about. Cultural anthropology is the class that talks about civilizations and how we evolved to be able to clean our asses with toilet paper and not leafs."

Sugar comes to a halt and I stop a few steps ahead of her. "Dammit!" she says in realization. "Do you think I can still change classes? Maybe I can pay the school extra so that they let me switch."

I laugh. "I don't think money will help you this time, Richie Bitch. Can you hurry up and walk though? I'm starving."

When we get to our school's café, we order some food and take a seat at a table.

"So how do you like the school, so far? It's not bad right? For a jr college."

"Yeah, it's okay," I say. "I do miss my internship though."

"You were so lucky to get that right out of high school. You're a really good writer."

"Thanks. But how about you? What have you been up to? I've been so busy that I don't know what you're doing these days."

"Well." Sugar hovers a hand over her mouth as she chews her salad. "I'm still volunteering at the animal shelter and- Oh my god!"

I jump a little, startled by her excitement.

"Guess who just started volunteering there too! Guess! Guess!"

I roll my eyes. "That idiot guy you liked for like ever. What was his name? Rusty?"

"His name was Dustin! But no, not him. Guess again."

"Ugh. Just tell me."

"Fine, it's Brittany. Remember her? Brittany Pierce?"

I stop playing with my food and look at Sugar. "Do you remember her?" She asks.

"Y- Yeah. I remember her. How could I not... I mean, cause you know, she was really popular in high school."

"And our friend at one point," she reminds me. I don't say anything in reply to that so she continues. "She said she comes here. She's studying to become a veterinarian. Isn't that crazy?"

"Wait, she comes here? As in she comes to this school?"

"Yeah! I haven't seen her here though. And I've been here a whole semester. It's crazy how we all ended up here, huh?"

I take a bite of my sandwich so that I don't have to verbally answer her and just nod.

/ /

After lunch, during my drive back home, I almost crash a few times because I'm so damn distracted. How the fuck did Brittany end up at the same school. I just finished telling my prof. that she's one of the smartest people I've ever met. Why is she even at a jr. college? She should be at an Ivy League or at the very least at a out-of-state expensive university.

I can feel my every thought begin to turn into thoughts of Brittany. I feel like I can fall back into the same high school routine. I can't allow that; I just can't. The first step I need to take to keep that from happening is distancing myself from social media. It's so easy for me to log into Facebook or Twitter and get hooked on her every move; on what she thinks and says. I delete everything: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I don't even know if she has a Tumblr but I delete that too. I also start working out. A lot. It keeps my mind and body at ease and my thoughts away from her for the most part.

Three weeks pass since Sugar told me about Brittany and I'm doing pretty good. I haven't ran into her, not once. This place is huge but I'm beginning to think she might not even be attending this school.

It's a very hot afternoon and I'm waiting for Sugar outside the library. We're suppose to have a study session for our math class. - Yes, we're still struggling with that. - She was suppose to meet me here fifteen minutes ago but hasn't showed up yet. Just as I start typing out a text for her, I see the little woman walking up the library stairs.

"By all means, take your time," I say, dully. "It's not like it's 1000 degrees out here or anything."

"I'm so sorry," she says. "I ran into Brittany and her girlfriend at the coffee shop. They offered to buy me an iced-coffee and I obviously couldn't say no cause it's like super hot today."

I try to keep my cool at the mention of Brittany having a girlfriend. As if hearing about her in general wasn't hard enough. "Where's the coffee?" I ask.

"I drank it." She begins walking towards the library and I follow.

"Did you just stand there until you finished your coffee then decided to walk over here?"

"Of course not, Brittany and her girlfriend asked me to sit with them. I couldn't say no. It's rude."

"You've never cared about being rude before," I comment.

"Yeah, but they started telling me their story about how they met and what classes they were taking and all that stuff. They're really entertaining. Her girlfriend studies here too, obviously, and she-"

"Sugar," I interrupt. "I don't really want to hear it."

"Why? Do you still hate Brittany?"

"What? I never hated her!" An older librarian woman glares us from her desk. "I never hated her," I repeat, gently. "I'm just not interested in what she or her girlfriend are doing and I don't want to be rude to you by ignoring what you say when you talk about them, so how about you just skip telling me about them next time you see them."

Sugar shrugs. "Okay."

/

The second half of the semester has arrived and it's time for me to start my gym class. It's not really a class, but I get credit for working out a few hours per week at our school gym. I'm excited to start because all I've been doing at home is bodyweight workouts and running. I finally get to use an actual gym and it's equipment.

I decide to go during the afternoon, after I've finished all my classes for the day. I walk into the gym and stand by an isolated leg machine to begin stretching: arms, shoulders, back. I take a seat on the floor and outstretch my legs straight in front of me. My hands reach as far as they can until my fingers reach the tips of my shoes. I tuck my head in to reach further and hold it there, feeling my hamstrings pull more than usual.

"Are you using this machine?" A voice asks. I know that voice; I know it well. I stay still for a few seconds thinking about what I should do. I'm not looking up, that's for sure. I shake my head no and hear her climb on to the machine.

I hold my position for another 30sec then get up and move away from the area as quiet as a cat moving in on it's prey.

For the remainder of the semester, I continue to go to the gym at the same time on the same days. After the first time I encountered Brittany, I freaked out so much that I didn't go for a week. But I then realized I had to get my gym hours in or I'd fail the class, so I gave myself about a million pep talks about how it was going to be fine and how I was too old for this shit and got back in there.

It's the last week of the semester and I feel like a blob. I didn't do any real workouts during my gym hours because I can always feel Brittany's eyes on me. She won't talk to me though. We don't even say hi to each other or smile anymore. It's like we're real strangers now. Except there's always this awkward and nerve wracking feeling when I know she's near. I'm always aware of where she is and once in a while I catch her looking at me. At one point, I think about dropping the class, but I somehow get through it and finish the semester.

/

"It ate my dollar!" Sugar kicks the vending machine with the tip of her boot. "This is the third time it does this to me."

"You're rich. Why are you complaining? Just put another dollar in."

"No, Santana! I will not live my life this way. I will not be bullied by a vending machine!"

"Who's bullying you?"

We both turn to see a smiling Brittany walking down the corridor. Just my luck. New semester, same run-ins.

"Brittany! Hi!" Sugar greets her with a tight hug and I walk a little off to the side and scroll through my phone as if I wasn't with Sugar. "This stupid machine! It's eating all my savings! I just want my Snickers bar." She frowns.

Brittany walks around to the back of the machine, un-plugs it then plugs it back in. The Snickers gets pushed forward and falls onto the delivery bin. Brittany bends down to pull out the chocolate and hands it to Sugar. "A sweet treat for a sugar-y lady," she says, sweetly.

Sugar grins widely. "Thanks so much Brittany! Do you want a snack? My treat."

"No, thanks. I have to get to class. I'll see you around though, yeah?"

"Of course!"

When she's finally out of sight, I notice Sugar is staring at me through narrowed eyes.

"What!"

"You're going to keep pushing that 'I don't hate Brittany' thing?"

"I don't hate her, Sugar."

"Right. That's why you completely ignored her just now."

"I haven't talked to her in forever. I can't just be her best friend now. Plus, she ignored me too! Why are you always on her side!"

Sugar takes a bite of her chocolate and thinks as she chews. "She did ignore you. Huh. You guys are just so weird. Do you have like a crush on her now?"

"What?" I ask, incredulously. "Of course not. You know, since the day I told you I was gay, you've always assumed I have all these crushes on a bunch of girls. Just because I'm gay it doesn't mean I want every girl I see."

"I know. But you act weird around her and she does too. Maybe she still has a crush on you." Sugar laughs and takes another bite of her Snickers.

"A crush?" My cheeks flush. "What?"

"I wasn't suppose to say anything. I've kept it a secret since like middle school, but we were super young then, so I don't think it matters anymore if you know."

"Know what?" I ask with desperation in my voice.

"That she had a huge crush on you for like ever. I mean huge! She told me during 8th grade. That's why she gave you all the Valentine's candy and stuff. Oh and that's why she didn't want to talk to you anymore during high school. I actually advised her to stay away from you."

"You what?"

"I told her to stay away from you. I remember she was super happy when you invited her to your house. I think you were suppose to do homework or a project or something, but I thought it was weird that both you and Quinn were talking to her, so I told her she should be careful and that it was probably best to stay away from the two of you."

My mouth dropped. "Why would you tell her that!"

"Because I knew how bad you had treated her when you found out she was your secret Valentine! I wasn't going to let you do something like that again. Plus, Brittany told me what Quinn said to her during that school field trip you guys had. She was such a bitch. I just didn't want Brittany to get hurt."

"I can't believe you did that."

"Oh get over it. She was my friend and I cared for her. It was years ago anyway. What does it matter now?" She throws her wrapper away and begins walking towards our next class.

"It does matter," I say.

Sugar stops and turns to look at me. "What?"

"It does matter. I've felt- stuff... for her for a long time."

"Wait, what?" She walks back to me. "What are you talking about? What stuff?"

I shrug, rapidly becoming nervous and second guessing what I just said. "I don't know. Just stuff."

"No, no, no. You need to tell me what kind of stuff. Like romantic stuff?"

"I guess. It's stuff that I've never really felt for anyone else. I just.. I don't know. I kinda came to terms with this in high school, but I'm not really sure what I feel. I feel attracted to her but not just physically. I used to imagine what it'd be like to spend time with her, to do stuff together, to have long talks with her and be able to learn things about her. It's weird because I used to know her, but I haven't talked to her in so long. I'm sure she's a completely different person now, so I guess, in reality, what I feel and what she felt doesn't really matter now."

"Okay, no, wait. First of all, it does matter. Feelings always matter. And secondly, you're confusing me. You're mixing present tense and past tense, so do you still feel _stuff_ for her or not?"

I take a deep breath. "I don't know."

"No, you do know. Do you still want to date her?"

"What?" I scowl. "I didn't say I wanted to date her."

"That's pretty much what you described with all your day dreams!" She sets her hands on my shoulders and asks, "Do you feel nervous when she's around?"

I nod, embarrassed.

"When you get nervous does your heart race?"

I nod again.

"Do you still imagine yourself spending time with her?"

"Well, I mean, I try not to-"

Sugar shakes my shoulders. "Yes or no!"

"Yes! Sometimes..."

"Oh, Santana." She sighs dramatically. "You need to talk to her."

"Why would I do that?"

"Uh, to tell her how you feel!"

"I don't think so. That's embarrassing. She had a high school crush on me, which I'm sure is gone by now since she's apparently going through boyfriends and girlfriends like water."

Sugar's face drops. "Oh, right. The Girlfriend."

"Yeah... It's fine though. I'll get over it sooner or later." Not even I believe what I say.

/

The next time I see Brittany is two weeks later. Sugar has been good about not bringing her up, so I haven't been thinking too much about our conversation, but everything comes rushing back when I see her. It's at the same vending machines where I last saw her, except I'm alone this time and she's apparently trying to choose a drink to buy.

She looks really, really pretty today. Like more than the usual. I think she probably has a presentation or something because she's wearing a nice fitted pencil skirt with a light orange blouse and some black heels. I don't know if it's because she's wearing my favorite color, but I really want to talk to her right now. Maybe confessing my truth to Sugar and finding out that Brittany liked me at some point in her life activated some weird chemical in my brain called confidence and it's making me want to turn my day dreams into reality.

I stand there staring at her for so long that she finishes buying her drink and turns to walk away but sees me instead. She locks eyes with me and neither of us say anything for a few seconds. I can only imagine how fucking creepy I look right now.

She looks down at the floor and begins making her way past me.

"Hey," I say. Well, it kind of comes out more as a partial squeak.

She stops next to me and her irises move to the corner of her eyes to look at me.

I nervously grab the straps of my backpack and swing them back and forth a little. "You look really nice. Do you have a presentation today?"

Brittany nods.

"Good luck."

"Thanks," she says and takes a step forward.

"Brittany, wait." I almost grab her arm but I luckily catch myself before I can do so. "It seems like we're going to be running into each other a lot and it's really weird for me to see you and pretend I don't know you. It's really awkward. Can we just pretend we stayed friends all this time and at least say hi to each other?"

"Were we friends?" She asks. There's no sarcasm or anger in her voice, so I don't really know how to respond but I do anyway.

"No, I guess not. But, maybe we can be friends now? At least acquaintances... Please? I promise I won't be a bitch like I was in middle school." I say that with a small smile in an attempt to make light of the situation, but she doesn't seem to find it funny at all. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I shake my head. "Sorry." This time it's I who takes a step forward with intentions of leaving, but Brittany stops me by gracing my forearm with her fingertips. It's a quick light touch, but I feel it over my entire body.

"We can try to-" She seems at a loss for words. She doesn't want to promise that she'll be my friend. Or even try to be my friend. "Do you want to come to my track meet this Saturday?"

"Really?" I wasn't expecting an invitation to anything. I wasn't expecting much at all.

"Yeah."

"Okay, yeah. I'll go." I nod almost too excitedly. "Of course."

"Cool. It starts at 10am."

"Okay, I'll be there." I can hear my tone of voice change to that of a young girl thanking her parents for buying Disneyland tickets. This invitation is definitely my version of getting to go to Disneyland.

"What class do you have next?" Brittany asks.

I make a face and sigh. "American History."

"Here." She holds out her blue Gatorade. "Take it."

I don't know why she would randomly give me a Gatorade. I mean yeah, history is boring, but I don't usually fall asleep. I don't want to start questioning her though, so I accept it.

"Don't pass out during class." The left corner of her mouth pulls up to form a tiny grin and I chuckle when I finally figure out what she's doing.

"Thank you, Britt."


End file.
